Unspoken ThingsStarted by Seiko at Oct 19, 2019 6:33 pm
Seiko snorted loudly there. He wasn't wrong, but she usually tried not to kill unless it was necessary. Of course, sometimes leaving certain people alive, it was less of the gift it should've been. In this case, it was a gift to him, but not all the people that had to deal with him. It was too late now. That was at least three years ago. Who knew where he was now. If he was smart, he was going to stay away from her and the boys, because Seiko would have little trouble killing him, and Entei probably had a mind to do worse than kill him.
They'd see how it turned out, she supposed. With any luck, she'd never find out if Entei could fall quite that low.
Seiko shook her head slightly. "He never went for me," she said. "It was always them, and always when I wasn't around. I think he's afraid of me. But I'm not the scary one, and he has himself to thank for that." He'd inadvertently raised his own worst nightmare. Well, she supposed he didn't know that just yet. Or maybe he did and that was how she'd put two and two together in the first place. Because Entei had decided he was about done with the fucker. It wasn't like she blamed him for that.
"And I think they healed some," she answered, "but there are some things you never really heal from, and unfortunately they know a few." That was her fault. She should've had better taste in guys or something, but she needed the help, and didn't have time to think about it beyond that.
That, too, was all explanations, not excuses, and she knew that too.
Zian grimaced slightly. That was worse, in many ways. Especially to someone like Seiko who loved her family more than almost anything else. "That's... not surprising, but it is unfortunate." Very much so. Raised his own worst nightmare...Well with an upbringing like that, it was hardly surprising that some of the children out of that mess were quick to defend their own regardless of the costs.
Zian could hardly fault them that.
"You're all too right about that." Some things didn't heal, not really. And sometimes there was no way around that, except to learn to keep going despite that unhealing wound in the heart. "I am sorry that this happened." Someone like Seiko shouldn't have had to live through that. She deserved the world, someone who loved her and cared about her and her family. Not someone who would only bring pain to them.
Not that Zian necessarily believed he was that person - after all, he had abandoned her to raise the children by herself, apparently. Unknowingly, sure, but it didn't absolve him of his part in all of this either. There were certain activities that led to children, and he'd known that all along, and he'd still taken the risk. They all had paid for it, it would seem.
"I'm glad you told me," Zian said quietly after a moment or two. It was better to know late and be able to try to get to know them now than to not know at all.
That wasn't really - Seiko probably looked a bit concerned for a moment. Because she did know Zian well enough to have an idea of what went on in his head. Even if she didn't manage to figure it out exactly, she could usually get pretty close, and she knew the tones of his voice well enough to know what guilt sounded like from him. It wasn't his fault. Things just turned out that way, and if anything, it was Seiko's fault, because she should've gone to find Zian sooner, should've waited a little longer before thinking Yori's father was a good replacement for him of all people, but...
He'd given her Yori, all the same. And some part of her would never regret the events that eventually led to having Yori. She refused to regret him, or anything that led to him, even if only because she didn't want to regret one of the best things that'd ever happened to her. The timing could've been better, she didn't love Yori's father and he turned out to be terrible anyway, but the gods had given her sons, and she loved all of them, more than she loved herself.
Seiko smiled a little, reaching over and gently brushing Zian's cheek. "It's not your fault, you know," she said. "I was the one that let him near my sons. I should've been more careful than that, should've gone looking for you, should've... but he gave me Yori, and maybe I didn't love him, but I do love Yori, and maybe if I hadn't been where we were because of him, I would've never met Jiva, either. Sometimes bad things happen, Zian. All we can do is try to learn from them, and move on. And for what it's worth... I never did stop loving you."
Sometimes, she wondered if maybe he'd known it, Yori's father. That there was someone else that already had her heart, and maybe he'd decided if he couldn't be loved, then maybe he'd be feared, instead. Bad decision, for sure, and it was unfortunate that it was her boys that had to live with the consequences of that bad decision, but it was what it was. Regret wouldn't solve anything, now.
Zian held very still as Seiko reached out to touch him, all but holding his breath as his heart threatened to leap into his throat. If he'd wondered before, if his feelings for her really had survived their time apart, that vanished now. For a moment he was quiet, considering what Seiko had said and trying to figure out the best way to respond.
She wasn't wrong, it wasn't really his fault. And maybe there were bad things that had happened because of it, but probably there were good things too. Their decision to part had been more-or-less mutual, it wasn't fair to blame himself. But still, some part of him would probably always feel a little guilty for it.
"You're right, about that. About not having many choices but to move on." It wasn't as if anything would change what they'd already been through. All they could do was try and figure out where to go from here. Just like the Fire Nation couldn't take back it's actions during the war, it could only try and rebuild and make things right now.
Had never stopped loving him? That surprised him, in some small way, and it probably showed in his expression for a moment. It took a moment before Zian was able to meet her gaze again, but at least he hadn't turned scarlet like a teenager trying to talk to their first crush again. "I can't say I ever stopped loving you, either," Zian admitted quietly.
"Things aren't really the same as they were, and probably they never can be." That was obvious, in many ways. They weren't really the same people they'd been before, and there were a lot of things that would go into figuring out if her sons would even tolerate his existence. But... hm. "But I wouldn't mind spending time getting to know you again, too."